I’m on Day 7 of my Adderall. Things seem to be going well for the most part. For the first few days I couldn’t sleep very well. Slowly my sleeping pattern has started to level out. I wake up feeling better and less like death. My appetite was nonexistent, which has taken some getting used to, but that has also worn off somewhat. I’m still not hungry like I was, and I am thankful for that.
I started my calorie counting back again. At first, with my weight, it was suggested that I was allowed to consume 2500 calories and still lose about a pound a week. I decided to up the goal to 2 pounds a week and have put myself at 1900 calories a day, and have stayed below that goal each day. Sometimes it’s only by a couple of hundred calories, other nights I’m between 400 and 600 calories below goal. I’m okay with that as well. I think my biggest piss off is that I can’t just wake up skinny. It takes time and I hate that. But I didn’t get myself this big overnight and I sure as hell ain’t gonna lose it overnight. I have a scale, but it’s not very accurate, so I’m going to wait until my doctors appointment to weigh in and see how much weight I’ve lost.
This week I have realized just how much I think about food in relation to how hungry I’m not. Since I’ve started back calorie counting, I am surprised to realize how much shit I’ve been cramming into my face for the past few years. I would have to guess that I’ve probably shoved 3,000 or a bit more calories a day into my mouth. Thinking about that makes me sad because I have always enjoyed food. Now that I watch what I put in my mouth, I am more careful about what I choose so that I still have calories left in my day.
And I love cheese. I fucking love it. I put cheese on everything. This week I’ve put cheese on one thing – my chicken and rice, and I only used one serving, which was pathetically small to me, and also 240 calories. In one fourth of a cup of cheese. That blew my mind. I can say that I don’t know how I got this way, all that I want to … but I know how I did it. Incredibly irresponsible eating habits.
We go to pick up my husbands kids on Saturday. It’s a five hour drive to meet their mother half way, and then we will have them for five weeks. I’m excited because I love those kids so much. They are great kids that have to live with their horrible mother. We try to show them as good of a time as we can while they are with us. They always say that they want to live with us, and when they are 14 they can legally choose where they want to live. For now, we just have to get them in the summer, winter, and spring, and enjoy our time.