Drive

Published August 7, 2016 by dividinguplife

Friday night the husband and I had our monthly date night. We try to do that once a month just to take some time for us, and do something together that we enjoy. We went to dinner at Chili’s and then went to see Suicide Squad. I had already planned on Friday being my cheat day, and I blew my calories by 310. Last night I got back on track and was 800 under. 

We also got a full-blood Maine Coon on Friday afternoon. A friend of mine had him years ago, her dog was allergic, and so she gave him to her husbands friend. The friend ended up moving out of state and abandoning the cat a year ago. Animal Control found him and picked him up the other day. Because he’s microchipped, they were able to call my friend to let her know they had him. She picked him up and brought him to me. I’m just in love with him. So now we have three cats and a dog. I think that’s good enough.

Lewie

This is Lewie the Cat and my husband 🙂 

I heard this song today while at the mall. I’m not one for trendy music. I love off-kilter stuff that other people don’t listen to. I guess this would be considered Indietronic or something. 

After we got home from the mall, I fell asleep from 7:30 to 12:30. So, here it is, 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake. Husband went to bed around 1 and when I told him I wasn’t going to bed yet he had sad face and said it sucked going to bed alone. I told him I understood because I go to bed alone every night since he stays up later than me. But it made me sad to think that he was sad at the prospect of going to bed alone, that I went upstairs and laid on the bed for a while with him. I love that man so stupid damn much. The shit we have been through to be together … there are still times that I marvel at the fact that I got him back. 

It was nearly three years ago that he told me he was moving back to his home state because he couldn’t stand to be away from his kids. I was devastated. I felt like someone had died. In a sense, I did die. Emotionally. I was a shell of myself for a year and a half. I cried all of the time, I fell asleep depressed, I drove to work depressed and in tears most mornings. There would be nights he would text me at some ungodly hours just saying that he missed me, and it stabbed me right through the chest. He started drinking up there when he didn’t have his kids. Eventually he realized that him seeing them every other weekend (and he had to work on one of those days) was no better than him living here with me and us getting them in the summer, and on their breaks throughout the school year. When he came back, it was like I could breathe again. When we got married in March, I just sat here and wondered what I have ever done so right in life to finally get something that I wanted. 

My husband isn’t a very touchy kind of man. We don’t cuddle, we have our own comforters on the bed. We don’t hold hands very often. He says my hands are like inferno’s. They are. I’m so hot-natured. I’m the opposite – I love cuddling and touching. But, I realized after he left three years ago, that I would gladly trade all of those things just to be with him again. And I did. And I haven’t regretted it one bit. I love him so much that the thought of losing him again leaves me breathless. Having known him for almost 20 years, I really don’t know why I didn’t see him sooner “like that” …. other than the fact that I was all goo-goo eyed for his brother. 

I’m anxious to weigh myself, but I’m really trying to hold off and stop this daily weigh obsession. I put on a pair of jeans for the first time in a month, yesterday … and they were loose. It made me happy to notice that difference, since I can’t really see it when I look at myself. 

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5 comments on “Drive

      • Have you always been overweight? I have. I feel like all my life people have made me feel like I’m not worth greatness cos of my weight. Even recently my sister started listing all the short fat people she knew that I could marry. Because I was short n fat and not worth anything better… I feel like society believes I’m only worth the rejects. Every person I’ve ever been set up with felt like rejects. A 38 yr old who sounded like a woman and still lived with his parents and was twice my size and age. Does it mean that little that I’m smart n funny and caring and loyal?

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      • When I was a teenager I was “smaller” but I have a large frame, so I was never “society small” But once I hit my 20’s, I put the weight on and it fluctuated,but for the most part I have always been bigger. I’m lucky that I have height on my side. I’m a tall girl.

        Your sister needs to shut the hell up. You know, I’m 273 pounds and 5 foot 9. My husband is 180 pounds and 5 foot 6. He’s smaller than me, but he loves me and looks at me as if I’m a super model. He prefers bigger women to small ones. Just because you’re big doesn’t mean you have to find someone bigger than you to love you. There are men all over the world that are skinny and love a big girl. I’ve dated quite a few of them myself, and not all of them were horrible assholes.

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      • I feel like bigger men don’t even love big woman. they settle cos they feel it’s all they can get. Then stare at all the skinny women. I’ve seen a lot if big ppl with small ppl who are genuinely happy. It feels like they’re together for the right reasons sometimes. I’m not generalising cos every relationship is different. But ya…

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