I was supposed to meet my dad at his work yesterday for lunch, but work ran over by an hour, and I had to reschedule. For the past four and a half years, I have let my job dictate my personal life, and it’s getting kind of old. I’m torn between my love and knowledge of the work I do, and wishing that things were more fair. I think my boss forgets that just because it’s his business, and he puts the majority of his life into it, he shouldn’t expect the same of his staff. The request for a day and a half off, that I put in a few months ago, went ignored until it was too late. I wanted to go with my daughter and her step-mom to a concert one state away. I figured if I put in the request a few months in advance, it would be enough time to work out our clinic schedule. I got a text from our manager (the boss’s wife who is never there), that she had lost my email, and which day did I want again?? I told her it was too late for me to buy tickets now, so never mind. They don’t care. While the boss is super nice most of the time, he is extremely unaccommodating. If I left this job, I wouldn’t take a new job in the same field, but it’s going to be difficult to find another job in a different field, making what I make now …. even though what I make is low compared to what others make in my field.
A patient showed up and screamed at my coworker just as we were closing. Our doctor just laughs it off, even though my coworker was sobbing. He doesn’t seem to think that it should affect us when they go ballistic on us – mostly because they don’t do it to him. He’s the doctor, he’s the all-knowing God of eyeballs. We are just brainless vision monkeys out to do his bidding. We are the verbal punching bags when they don’t get their way. This job is breaking her morale, but she is stuck in the same boat that I am. We are both sinking together.
Home life is going just fine, though. Even though we are constantly living paycheck to paycheck (and sometimes we don’t even make it until the next paycheck before we have to overdraft our account just to make it until payday), my husband and I maintain a happiness that I have never experienced with anyone else before. I read so many blogs of women that have been married for over ten years, and suddenly they are facing infidelity committed by their husbands, and they really had no idea that their perfect marriage was a lie. Things like that constantly worry me. Sometimes my doubt creeps in at the most random of times, and my imagination kicks into overdrive. When my husbands phone makes a noise, my brain tells me that it must be some woman texting him. Someone he would be happier with. I mean, if these women didn’t see it coming, who says I will?? Plus I have been a victim of infidelity from the men of my past – several times. It’s difficult to push away the thoughts that you just aren’t good enough.
Despite my insecurities, my husband makes sure to tell me weekly “Thanks for marrying me, man.” …. he tells me he loves me every day. Some days he’s more touchy than others, but most often he doesn’t like to touch. I knew and understood that about him before we ever got married. Some days it’s hard, because I crave the physical connection, but mostly I understand his need for personal space almost 100% of his time. Still, I can’t help but to long for cuddling in the middle of the night, or to sit together on the couch while he rubs my feet or something like that. It just isn’t him, and it never has been. We are alike in many ways, but so much different in other ways. The relationship my husband and I have is mostly a fantastic mental connection. I’ve had it the other way, and I can say for certain that I prefer him over anything else.
My weight loss is stagnant right now, but then again I haven’t really been trying very hard. I’m still mindful of what I put in my mouth, but that’s the extent of it. An awesome blogger buddy that I read, put up pictures of these photo layers of herself, and she told me how to do it.
The silhouette photo is the ‘before weight loss’ photo. The layer on top is the current layer, so that if you look close enough you can see the outline of the inches that were there prior to the weight loss.
I thought that was nifty. Now that I’m aware of this app, I can make more of an effort to take pictures standing in the same spot, wearing the same thing to get a more accurate photo.
And now it’s time for a weekend of relaxing and trying to figure out how much money we aren’t going to have once I pay all of these bills.