In the Grind

Published December 6, 2016 by dividinguplife

Nothing new has really been going on. You kind of get into this “everyday life” kind of deal, and when you stop to think about the past few weeks/months, you can’t really say exactly what you’ve done – but moreover you’re just living life. That’s what I’ve been doing.

After two years, I finally got a raise. Granted, it was only a dollar and that was super disappointing considering how much I’ve stepped up my game in responsibilities at this practice, but still …. what can you do? I know I have it better than a lot of people do, especially considering I only have a high school education. I only work half-day Friday’s (and still manage to pull in over forty hours a week), and I get bi-annual bonuses, so I guess I can’t really complain very much. Still, I know the technician before me was pulling in two dollars more an hour and didn’t do half of what I do, so that’s a bit disheartening. 

I would love to be able to make enough money so that my husband didn’t have to work. I know that sounds silly. He hates working, and I love to work. I couldn’t imagine just spending my life sitting at home day after day. I love getting up and going to work five days a week. Sure, I complain when I have to get up at five in the morning, but other than that, I have worked since I was fifteen, and I can’t imagine not doing it. 

We have to make a ten hour drive in a few weeks to pick up my husbands kids for our part of their Christmas break. Usually we meet their mother half-way when she isn’t being a cunt, but she made it very clear that she isn’t going to spend her entire Christmas on the road, so my husband and I decided to make the drive all the way up there, stay the night, and then drive back the next day. I’ve already told him that if we have to make that kind of drive, if she wants her kids back, she gets to do the driving to pick them up. It’s not fair to us that she calls the shots on everything. I don’t live my life around her and I don’t understand why my husband is so scared to stand up to her. If there is one thing that drives me crazy about him, it’s his lack of balls when it comes to his ex-wife. Until we have a modification of custody (since he moved out of state) I think he’s petrified that she will take the kids away from him. Until then, he just bends to every wish she has. 

I am so thankful that my baby-daddy and I have zero problems. In fact, myself, him, and his wife all co-parent with ease. His wife has a calendar that we all go by, We split our time with my daughter 50/50 (I have her Monday, Tuesday, and every other weekend – they have her Wednesday, Thursday, and every other weekend), and for the past ten years (they started getting her more often than every other weekend when she was two), it has worked well for us. There’s no custody issues, we alternate years claiming her on taxes, we all do our part to get her to and from her private school that her step-mom’s parents have so graciously offered to pay for. Mine and my ex-husbands goal during our demise was to put our daughter first in everything. Would he and I talk if our daughter had never came to be? Probably not. We are not best buds, we don’t all meet up and do co-parent drinking parties. In fact, I talk to his wife more than I talk to him, and it seems to work that way. Big decisions get group messaged so that we can all discuss what’s going on and what our thoughts are. Honestly, we have one of the most perfect co-parenting situations I can think of. 

So many times, when there is a divorce, the woman will get so mean and jaded and want revenge. The children become caught in the crossfire. I know my brother and I did when we were little. My poor brother was moved around, shuffled from house to house, fought over in court, had DSS investigations on my mom (which she should have had), and at the end of the day (or at the end of a few years) my brother was so angry and confused he lashed out and whoever and had so many issues growing up. I thought he would end up in prison one day – he was on that kind of road. Thankfully, he is now 24 years old and an EMT. His wife is about to have their first baby, which means I get to be an aunt, so I’m super excited about that. 

But anyway, I have seen so many times where women become to spiteful and vindictive and mean towards their exes. My husbands ex-wife cheated on him (on their seven year anniversary), came home and waited a couple of months, and then packed her things and their kids things, and moved away almost three hours while he was at work. She sent him a text message when she arrived to her mothers letting him know she had left him and took the kids with her. He was devastated. He loves those kids more than anything in the world. He spent the better part of a year trying to get her to come back so they could have their family whole again, but she wouldn’t. They went to mediation for the kids, he field for divorce, and then we ended up together and he moved here. And she didn’t like that. She didn’t like that she didn’t have that control over him anymore. She blamed him and told him he was abandoning his kids. For a while he thought that he might be. I pointed on that she was the one that got this ball rolling by leaving him and taking their kids with her, moving three hours away. This was her fault. She left, and she took the kids. Whether or not he moved away, out of state has little to do with anything. She took his ability to see his children every single day, away from him to be reduced to every other weekend – and one of those days he had to work all day. Really, he only saw his children every other Sunday. But of course when he tried to find happiness, she threw his children in his face, and has told the kids that he’s a bad father. 

I hate people. I hate vindictive people. I hate drama and selfishness. I hate his ex-wife with a passion, just because I have to sit and watch my husband hurt over the fact that he can’t see his kids without bending to her every wish and whim. 

Adulting sucks, man. 

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