The Country Boy that I dated between the time my husband moved away and then came back, had some sort of angry enlightenment about our relationship on his morning run today. Seeing as that he’s another person I do keep in semi-regular contact with (I hurt him when we broke up, and he wanted to keep the friendship so I didn’t see anything wrong with that), decided to message me this morning and let me know how angry he was about something that happened nearly two years ago.
Bless his heart, he has tried to date other people. But, he’s …. well … he’s an odd sort of fellow. Not odd in a bad way per se, but quirky in things that he says and does. It takes a specific type of person to be attracted to how … well-rounded he is, I guess?
Like, he watches Creepy Pasta videos at night to put him to sleep. Stories of things that would keep me awake at all hours of the night convinced that the doll at the neighbors house was going to come alive and kill me, kind of things. How do you fall asleep to that?
He has no drive or ambition beyond being a gas station sales clerk or doing what he’s currently doing, which is washing dishes at some food place. And yet, he’s so SO smart, he could seriously be a teacher and be wonderful at it. I don’t know if he lets his self-esteem get in the way or if he’s just more interested in working his eight hour shift and going home to play WoW or Diablo or whatever it is he plays.
He thought it was acceptable to send my ten year old out in public wearing one of his Marlboro T-shirts. There was a huge fight about it and he called me a stuck-up bitch because I wouldn’t let my daughter wear a cigarette T-Shirt.
He had good qualities about him as well. He was always willing to give a massage. He can cook pretty decently. He’s a fierce protector, though very scary when his anger is directed at you. He doesn’t mind cuddling or being touched. So yes, there were positives to Country Boy. There was just something peculiar about him. Something that didn’t quite match up with me.
Not to mention the Facebook messages I found on the computer of him talking to another woman and telling her all of the things he wanted to do to her.
Or the strange porn he would watch when I wasn’t at home. By strange, I mean … well I can’t even repeat it. It was disturbing. Like borderline bestiality stuff. I just can’t.
But anyway, he has had some trouble letting go of what he deemed “a great relationship” despite all of the terrible flaws that it actually had. He told me this morning that is pissed him off that I said we weren’t compatible. I told him that, as with anything else in life, it was how I felt. It was my opinion. He may have been feeling all of the compatibility in the world – but I didn’t. I felt off. I felt like he wasn’t my husband and so I needed to end it. We had a year and a half together and it was decent for the most part. But there were just some things I couldn’t look past, and some things that concerned me enough that I thought it best he not be around my daughter too much. I never thought he would hurt her, but the mind is a disturbing place and one never knows what someone is actually thinking about.
He’s still so far caught up in this girl that he can’t have, because she has a boyfriend and won’t leave him, even though she promises Country Boy time and again that she will. I’ve told him from the beginning that she will not leave the guy she’s with. Every time it doesn’t work out, his mind travels back to the last good thing he remembers, which is unfortunately us. I keep telling him that when he meets the right person, all the rest of this will be a blip on his radar of life. I am only “a big deal” because I was the last serious relationship he had.
At this point I’m thankful that he doesn’t know where I live. Not that he actually has a working car or anything, anyway. The car he does have is one that I gave to him. He drove it to the ground and now it has a lot of problems. Rather than trade it in for cash and put a down payment on something dependable, he just bums rides.
He’s not for me. But hopefully he’s for someone.