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All posts for the month May, 2017

I Knew a Future Murderer

Published May 26, 2017 by dividinguplife

I’ve been kind of shell-shocked this week. 

I worked with a man from 2010 – 2012 at my first position in the eye care field. His name was John. He worked over in Optical. He could sell the shirt off of his coworkers back. Women loved him. He always had the highest sales every month out of all of the guys that worked in optical. He was decent-looking. He immediately attached to me when I started there. He would come up to the desk and make small talk, he would eat lunch with me in the food court. We became pretty good friends. With my uncanny ability to read and feel-out people, I could sense that there was something dark lurking underneath the happy boy facade. 

Over time I discovered that John was a registered sex offender. He raped an 18 year old woman in New York in 1989. He went to prison for over ten years for it. He claimed he had been rehabilitated while doing time. He was a former drug addict. He was bi-polar. John was a dark and dangerous man that wore a shield of sunshine. He was smart as hell. When he was clean, he’d give you the shirt off of his back. 

Because he was a sex offender, I never let him near my daughter, who was six at the time. I know people can change, but I wasn’t willing to risk it with her. Any time we hung out, it was when my daughter was at her dad’s house. He and his girlfriend went with me and the guy I was dating, to the beach one day. We had a fun day. 

John

Not too long after that, something turned dark in John. He started missing work. When he did come in, he was so tweaked out of his mind, he hardly knew what day it was. He would be sweating, his pupils dilated so much you couldn’t see the hazel iris of his eyes. 

And then one day he was gone. No goodbye or anything. Just, gone. Later I would find out that he was house sitting for some family members while they were on a cruise, and he ended up selling everything in their house for drug money. Before they came home, he bought a bus ticket and hauled ass to Ohio to stay with some of his girlfriends relatives. His girlfriend called me to help her pack their one bedroom apartment, because she had no one else. 

Apparently with John being a registered sex offender and on probation, skipping town was a bad idea. He failed to register in Ohio, and because he was on probation, he wasn’t supposed to leave North Carolina. Within six months US Marshall’s kicked his front door in, and he went back to jail for 33 months.

I kept in touch with his girlfriend while he was in jail. Once he got out he called me to catch up. He invited me up to Ohio for his wedding to his girlfriend. I couldn’t get away from work, and I wasn’t about to drive up to Ohio for a wedding anyway. When our old boss died last year from a blood clot to her lungs, I sent him a text message to let him know. 

May 5th he called me out of the blue, but I was working. I sent him a text message asking him if he was okay. He said his alternator went out in his car. I knew he was hinting around at wanting money, but I don’t have extra money and it isn’t my responsibility to financially support someone that isn’t my family. He told me to call him when I had time. I didn’t.

Tuesday night I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and a post that a friend of mine in Ohio liked had an article that had a picture of a man being arrested. I thought to myself “That looks like John.” Then I saw the title of the article which said “Ashtabula Man Charged with Murder..” and I was like “No way, it can’t be.” I knew John and his wife lived in Ashtabula Ohio. 

Apparently, from what I read throughout various articles – A family friend called John over to take their 13 year old daughter out of the house because her parents were arguing. He walked over there and got the girl, and then decided to kidnap her along with one of his friends. Why? According to him, because the girls father owed them thousands of dollars for Meth. The plan was to hold her hostage until her father paid up, and then give the girl back, unharmed. 

Something went very wrong. Based on John’s mugshot, I know for a fact that he was tweaked out of his mind. I know John’s “drugs look” unfortunately. 

This is the John I knew. The John that wasn’t drugged up. 

John1

This was the John that was arrested last week. 

john-bove1

According to his confession, while him and his buddy were driving this 13 year old around as a hostage, they pulled over and struck her to make her be quiet. They then pulled into a field and John told his buddy to leave. John shot this girl and then set her body on fire. Karma intervened and made it to where his car wouldn’t start, so he had to abandon the car at the very place he murdered that little girl. Another friend of his his a bloody knife and disposed of his bloody clothes and gave him a pair to change into. 

He stole a neighbors car, drove into PA and led cops on a chase before he was captured a short time later. 

The Article

I knew John had problems, but I never imagined him capable of murder. Even drugged out, it’s hard to imagine that your mind is so altered that you could murder a child. I knew a man that went on to murder a child. It makes me sick to my stomach. 

I hope he gets the death penalty. Even thinking back to any good times I had with him, they are all now tainted by the murdering of a thirteen year old little girl. How can you do something like that? 

His wife was also arrested for tampering with evidence and obstruction of justice. She choose to help him after he did what he did, and now she will pay the price for his crime, as well. 

I cried myself to sleep Tuesday night. All I can think about is the fact that I have a child that is a week away from being thirteen. I knew this man, and it could have just as easily been my family that was affected by him. Granted, I never let her around him, but I did associate with someone that was capable of this. 

It’s just another reason to add to my list of reasons that I don’t hang out with people outside of my household. I just don’t. I don’t like to, and I don’t see a good enough reason to. I have my husband and my kid and that’s all that I need. 

Lust for Life

Published May 22, 2017 by dividinguplife

Yesterday was another rough day with my head waging war against my emotions. I went to bed early and cried myself to sleep because I felt like useless garbage. I always seem to feel and do better when I’m at work, helping my patients with their life. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. When I’m at home on the weekend and my husband is working and I’m utterly bored and my mind has time to wander to hell and back, that’s when the demons in my head start telling me all of the shit I don’t want to hear. 

Chris Cornell died from suicide last week. Another amazing person gone from this world because of depression. I sat around and listened to “Sunshower” on repeat while I sat amazed that he took his own life. I’m no stranger to suicide; I tried it when I was a teenager to escape the hell my mother made me live in day after miserable day. I’ve lost friends to suicide and accidental overdoses. I’ve lost friends to murder from spouses. I feel like the people I know are becoming “the people that have died” in faster rates than should be allowed. 

Some dickhead bombed the Ariana Grande Concert in the UK tonight. I can’t even imagine how many children that selfish, senseless, asshat murdered. It has gotten to the point that you can’t even go to a concert and enjoy yourself without having to worry about being murdered by an extremist. This shit isn’t fair. I’m about ready to send an e-mail to God asking Him when he plans on coming back to get us, because this is getting old and very very sad, very quickly. It’s no wonder the birth rate in on a decline. People don’t want to bring children into this shit. Can you blame them? Who wants to risk raising a child in this bullshit? 

A few months ago The Abuser friend requested me on Facebook. I thought “why the hell not?” I have always taken a small pleasure in seeing how his life has turned out since he cheated on me and threw me and my daughter out on our ass. I refrain from commenting very often on things he posts, because his wife is always right behind my comment to make sure her voice is heard. I’d like to say that I don’t know what her damn problem is, but I do know. She knows and she will always have to live with the fact that she was partly responsible for the demise of my relationship with her husband. That nasty, homewrecking skank will always have in the back of her mind that her husband tried multiple times to come back to me, but I wouldn’t let him back in. I mean, I’m not a gluten for punishment, and getting my ass beat again never sounded very appealing. Being verbally abused is not a thing I want ever again. Once I got over the brainwashing of how I would be nothing without him, telling him that we would never be together was a lot easier than I thought it would be. 

But yeah, any time I say anything on his page about something he posts, she’s always there to be loud and proud. She will make sure to call him pet names, or try to sound smarter than me about something that I say. I say nothing in return, I just ignore it and her. 

My daughter’s 13th birthday is right around the corner. I’m really starting to wonder where in the hell time has gone. She was two yesterday. She’s two years away from getting her learners permit. I’ll be 32 in a couple of months. What in the hell is going on here? 

Mrs. Roboto

Published May 17, 2017 by dividinguplife

Do you ever feel like people wouldn’t notice everything that you do, unless you disappeared or were dead and were no longer there to do it? 

That’s how I felt yesterday. I ended up going to bed at 9:20 because I just couldn’t take it anymore. One of my patients acted like I was a newborn and haven’t been in the profession of eyes for eight years. His brother is an Optometrist, so naturally this patient knew everything there was to know about Ophthalmology, except for the fact that he was completely wrong about everything that he said, but wouldn’t take any correcting about it. Very insistent. Once I took my time going over everything his eye surgery would entail, he got out to the parking lot, called and canceled everything that I spent an hour doing. I felt defeated. 

I got home and grabbed our baby guinea pigs and drove thirty minutes out to sell two of them (we are super broke and the baby pigs just happen to be ready to go to a new home, so having a few extra bucks to actually buy dinner was nice.) I ran by the store on the way back home, got food for dinner, got home and then the request for things that I hadn’t picked up started flooding in. Husband wanted fruit cocktail. My Grams wanted “something sweet” because she becomes a lunatic if she isn’t shoving sweets down her face 12 hours out of the day. The men that were at the house fixing the hole in our ceiling from when they were trying to find a leak last month, didn’t let the paint completely dry and so it started to peel off right away. As I’m coming back into the house for the third time, hands full of bags and things, my grams is pointing to the ceiling telling me I need to call them back and let them know they need to fix the ceiling again. *sighs* 

My husband made the comment that I looked like I was about to cry. I threw my phone down and told him that my day isn’t over just because I get off of work and drive home. Every night there is some reason or another that I need to run out after I get home. Everyone else get’s to sit in their chair or lay in the bed or whatever. Me? I’m never done until I throw myself into bed exhausted, and even then my brain won’t shut down long enough for me to get a full eight hours of sleep. Not to mention that sometimes I just crave for my husband to hold me. Just hold me. But he can’t do that because he’s uncomfortable with skin-on-skin touching and close proximity stuff. I work my ass off during the day, work my ass off when I get home, and then I go to bed alone, hugging my pillow because what else is there? I married a man that doesn’t like to touch very much, and I knew that going into it. I wouldn’t trade him for a million men that like to cuddle and touch, but sometimes it still gets lonely, especially when I feel like I want to break down and cry.

I just get tired of feeling like a computer part, you know? Like, I’m one of those parts that runs in the background and makes the computer work. People don’t think about that part until the damn thing breaks and the entire computer doesn’t work properly anymore. 

I just wish me and my husband could get away from it all for a day or so. But hey, can’t do things like that with no money. 

Tiring Minds

Published May 4, 2017 by dividinguplife

Yesterday was a weird day for me. This empath thing was in full-blast at work. By 11:00 I felt like I had 12 ton weights pulling my legs down. I have never felt so tired before. After we finished morning clinic and our patients cleared out of the office for our lunch break, the feelings went away and it was as if nothing happened. 

There are days that I wonder what is wrong with me health-wise. I figure that something must be going on internally with me and I’m probably dying. Then I go to the doctor and have blood work done, and everything looks okay. I try to stay away from frequent trips to the doctor because they can’t explain why I feel the way that I do, and I don’t want to look like a crazy person that “thinks” they are ill all of the time. I can’t exactly sit there with a person of science and say “Oh I’m fine, I can just feel what other people are feeling.” I can only imagine what kind of things would be written in my chart, followed with a suggestion that I seek psychiatric help. 

I saw a video put up on Facebook last night by The Abuser. His wife was in it. The one he cheated on me with. Eight years later and she looks like she’s strung out on crack. They live in some dilapidated ghetto. It’s not that I see this and reflect back on our relationship. I guess it’s just that I still can’t believe he chose her over me, and tossed me out on my ass. The man made me feel like I was nothing for three years, and then proved it to me by so easily dismissing me from his life, after cheating on me multiple times. 

Ewwww

I just … I don’t get it?? I was too fat, but this isn’t too skinny? Not to mention that she loves prescription pills, alcohol, and weed. Not that I have a problem with weed, even though I haven’t smoked it in a while. But still …. that shit still hurts you know? There are still days that I hate who I am because of the things he said to me. Oh well. I bet he can pick her up and fuck her against a wall, just like he always wanted. 

Is my life better? Absolutely. That’s not the point. The point is that I spent years crying over someone that now lives a life of miserable means and with someone that hasn’t improved it in any way. All of that hell and torment and he lives on the wrong side of the track. It just makes me bitter. 

But make no mistake; I fucking love my husband so much that it hurts. But this shit pisses me off.