Do you ever feel like people wouldn’t notice everything that you do, unless you disappeared or were dead and were no longer there to do it?
That’s how I felt yesterday. I ended up going to bed at 9:20 because I just couldn’t take it anymore. One of my patients acted like I was a newborn and haven’t been in the profession of eyes for eight years. His brother is an Optometrist, so naturally this patient knew everything there was to know about Ophthalmology, except for the fact that he was completely wrong about everything that he said, but wouldn’t take any correcting about it. Very insistent. Once I took my time going over everything his eye surgery would entail, he got out to the parking lot, called and canceled everything that I spent an hour doing. I felt defeated.
I got home and grabbed our baby guinea pigs and drove thirty minutes out to sell two of them (we are super broke and the baby pigs just happen to be ready to go to a new home, so having a few extra bucks to actually buy dinner was nice.) I ran by the store on the way back home, got food for dinner, got home and then the request for things that I hadn’t picked up started flooding in. Husband wanted fruit cocktail. My Grams wanted “something sweet” because she becomes a lunatic if she isn’t shoving sweets down her face 12 hours out of the day. The men that were at the house fixing the hole in our ceiling from when they were trying to find a leak last month, didn’t let the paint completely dry and so it started to peel off right away. As I’m coming back into the house for the third time, hands full of bags and things, my grams is pointing to the ceiling telling me I need to call them back and let them know they need to fix the ceiling again. *sighs*
My husband made the comment that I looked like I was about to cry. I threw my phone down and told him that my day isn’t over just because I get off of work and drive home. Every night there is some reason or another that I need to run out after I get home. Everyone else get’s to sit in their chair or lay in the bed or whatever. Me? I’m never done until I throw myself into bed exhausted, and even then my brain won’t shut down long enough for me to get a full eight hours of sleep. Not to mention that sometimes I just crave for my husband to hold me. Just hold me. But he can’t do that because he’s uncomfortable with skin-on-skin touching and close proximity stuff. I work my ass off during the day, work my ass off when I get home, and then I go to bed alone, hugging my pillow because what else is there? I married a man that doesn’t like to touch very much, and I knew that going into it. I wouldn’t trade him for a million men that like to cuddle and touch, but sometimes it still gets lonely, especially when I feel like I want to break down and cry.
I just get tired of feeling like a computer part, you know? Like, I’m one of those parts that runs in the background and makes the computer work. People don’t think about that part until the damn thing breaks and the entire computer doesn’t work properly anymore.
I just wish me and my husband could get away from it all for a day or so. But hey, can’t do things like that with no money.