I’ll Fall With Your Knife

Published June 12, 2017 by dividinguplife


When I was thirteen (1998), my husband and his brother moved back up north to their home state. I remember listening to this song and daydreaming about the day I would get on an airplane, and fly up there to see my brother-in-law. In my daydream this song would be playing, and I would be coming down the escalator in a cute skirt, with my hair straightened, and there he would be, with his beautiful blue eyes. It would be in that moment that he realized how much he loved me and needed me in his life. 

I made sure that I got my song and my boy in one fell swoop. In 2013 I jumped on a plane and flew my ass up north. As I was getting off the plane, I put my earbuds in and turned on Peter Murphy. I was wearing knee high black boots, a lacy black skirt, a lacy black tank top with a long gray pseudo-jacket-cotton-throw thing that went down past my knees. I came down the escalator and from across the room I could see the brightest blue eyes – eyes that haunted my dreams at night. 

It was the older brother of the boy I’d crushed on for fifteen years. The older brother of my first love, first kiss, first heartbreak. 

I’m sitting here typing this now, and I glance over to my left, and my heart still skips a beat when I see him. 


I’ve known him for twenty years, but it was only 4 1/2 years ago that I started to see him as something other than the older asshole brother of the guy I was obsessed with. Now? I’d move heaven and earth to keep him by my side. He’s the first man that has made everything I’ve been through, completely worth it. 


6 comments on “I’ll Fall With Your Knife

  • That’s a cool ending, but I’m still really curious about what happened AFTER you saw the brother (your husband) and not the love of your life at the time.

    Did you see finally see the guy you had been fantasizing about all those years when you visited or was his brother (your husband now) there to tell you it was over for his brother?

    What happened? The suspense is killing me. Lol


    • The story is sprinkles throughout the blog, but to summarize as best I can ….. My BIL only saw me as something convenient to him. He never felt the way I felt about him. He got married to someone we went to school with. I was a bridesmaid, my heart was broken, but I let him go. My husband was married for 7 years and his wife cheated on him and left him while he was at work one day. He nearly didn’t make it through that. About 10 months after she left, him and his kids drove ten hours down here to visit BIL, his wife, and me since I’ve been apart of their family since I was 12 …. And I don’t know …. Something just clicked. Neither of us were looking for anything. But when he left to go back to his home state, I felt a piece of me go with him. I didn’t know why. I started texting him from that day forward. Three months later I bought a plane ticket and flew up there.

      He was such a prick when we were growing up. Lol I dont know what happened

      Liked by 2 people

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