It’s too Much, Sometimes

Published June 22, 2017 by dividinguplife

I realized on Tuesday that my husband relies on me more than I ever realized. It’s not a bad thing, but more of an eye-opener of this man that I view as such a strong presence in my life. 

I received a “low balance” account notification Tuesday afternoon at work, which puzzled me. I mean, we didn’t have a lot of money in the bank, but we had enough to where I shouldn’t be getting an email telling me that our account is below 25.00

I logged into our bank account and saw that it was at over negative sixteen hundred dollars. The only thing it said was “account hold”. I called the bank and told them that I thought someone had gotten hold of our account information, and asked them to check into it. 

The lady looked at the hold, and told me that it was a levy on our bank account from the Department of Revenue. Specifically the Revenue Department from the state that my husband lived in before he moved back here two years ago. I called my husband and told him what was going on, and then asked him if he had received any letters in the mail from the State Tax Department. His answer? Yes. Did he read them? Not really. I knew he hadn’t, because had he of read them, he would have known that they were going to put a levy on our account. They give you fair warning. I gave him the number to call the Department to see what they could do. Well, more specifically the creditor that has the account that works with said department. I went back inside to work with the wheels turning on how we are going to make it for another week without money, now that our account has been frozen.

He text me and told me that they won’t release the levy until we pay eight hundred dollars. Well, we don’t have that. Even after we all get paid, we don’t have eight hundred bucks left over once the bills are paid. Back to square one. 

My husband is a very smart man. Let me say that. But things like this? I think the mechanical wheels that turn in his head don’t apply to stressful situations. I think everything just kind of shuts down. Like “Well, we’re screwed. Oh well!” Meanwhile, I’m shuffling possibilities through my head like multiple tabs being open on a computer browser. If we do ‘this’ and ‘this’ will that solve the problem we have of paying our bills? Is it possible to do something like ‘this’ and work around this unfortunate situation?

I put a phone call into a tax attorney for information. I called the bank to find out if I could open up a separate account in my own name (I can), and then told my husband to login to his employer and have the direct deposit stopped to our account, and opt for paper checks instead. 

The attorney called me back yesterday and told me that it wouldn’t financially benefit us to hire them because of the cost associated with that. But he told me exactly what we need to do to work around the creditor with the levy, so that we can have it removed. He was super helpful to me and assured me that they can’t touch my account when I open it, because my name isn’t tied to my husbands tax levy. So now I have to go to the bank on Friday or Saturday morning and get a new account open so that I can provide my employer with an updated direct deposit account. My husbands paychecks will arrive later than the Thursday’s he get’s paid since we have to switch to paper checks. It’s going to screw up our flow a little bit, but we will manage. I’m just thankful this happened after we had already paid our first round of bills for the month. Had it of happened when we had money in the bank, I have absolutely no idea what we would have done. We could have potentially lost our house if I wouldn’t have been able to make the payment.

I take care of my husband’s every need. I fix his plate at night before I go to bed, since he eats later than I do. If I’m still awake when he eats, I heat up his food, or fix it. We spend all of our time together and I have no desire to hang out with people outside of our family. I’m faithful and devoted to him, always. And I know he is to me, as well. In return, he helps with more than his fair share of the household chores. He kills the nasty bugs that I scream and run away from. He gives me space for quiet time when I need to recharge, and we never fight or argue about anything. One year and three months of being married and we haven’t had one single fight. I’m proud of that. 

I just wonder if he realizes how much I take control and solve things that happen. This isn’t the first fire that I’ve had to put out. He owed back taxes to the IRS, and I opted to file together and just get it paid, rather than file as an injured spouse so that I could keep all of my refund. On the flip-side, when I was surprised with that faulty check arrest warrant from 2009, he did everything he could to calm me down and make me feel better – though the thought of going to jail or having anything on my pristine criminal record, nearly sent me into an anxiety attack. 

Even though I don’t have to, I try to prove in small ways that I will never be like his ex-wife. When things get hard, I’m not going to pack up and leave and blast his name all over the state like he’s this horrible person. He isn’t. And he’s now starting to see that his ex-wife is a miserable cow. She’s engaged to some useless blob of a man that won’t work, and is content sitting on his ass and letting her work sixty hours a week. When she was married to my husband, she barely worked twenty hours a week, and played video games all day while my husband worked all day. The tables have turned on that miserable cow. 

Sometimes being the reliable one gets tiresome. People at home, at work, and random strangers often lean on me for support and advice and seem to suck my strength away from me and take it for their own. I take care of my grandmother and all of her medical needs, I’ve packed my grandpa’s house on my own for the past month – I think we are at 75 boxes packed at this point, I pay the bills, I work 40+ hours a week. I have a patient of mine that has cancer and doesn’t have any family. I will pick up and take her medication to her sometimes when she’s too sick to leave her house. You know, things like that. Like, how much can I be stretched? Is there going to come a time when I just crash and fall to pieces? Will there be anyone there to help me if I do? If people lean on you during times of crises, what do they do when the leanee becomes the leaner?

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2 comments on “It’s too Much, Sometimes

  • I think taking on too much can cause you to wear yourself out. Maybe set boundaries with other people sapping your energy. And work out if you’re taking on too much of the emotionally labour in the relationship. This situation would definitely have had me stressed and yelling. You’re great to step back and start coming up with solutions. I don’t think I could handle handling everything.

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    • I’m a problem-solver. I always have been. I get a certain self-high when I fix things that are metaphorically or even physically broken. I like knowing that I can solve anything thrown my way. Sometimes it’s just an overload, though. lol

      And you’d be surprised at what you can handle when you don’t have a choice 🙂 I think you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

      Like

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