Currently, my husband is watching YouTube videos on cheating wives/girlfriends that get caught. These guys get pretty inventive in how they catch their partners in the act, or how they reveal to their partner that they know. One guy was suspicious and flew his drone high above the house when his wife left one morning, and caught her walking to a CVS for her boyfriend to pick her up. 18 years of marriage, just gone.
There’s so much stigma attached to cheating, and men that cheat. It isn’t talked about as much, when it’s the woman having an extramarital affair.
My husbands ex-wife went to another city and fucked a guy she was “dating” on their seven year wedding anniversary. She took her kids with her and did God only knows what with them while she was with this man. My husband had planned to take her to dinner that night, stay in a hotel in town just to get away for the evening – but those things wouldn’t happen. She came home that afternoon, and her son let it slip up that mommy had been hanging out with another guy that day. Despite the proof that was there, my husband refused to admit what was going on, and they continued on with their marriage. A couple of months later, on New Years, while my husband was at work, she packed all of her things, took the kids and moved out of the house. She sent him a text message as she was on the way to her mom’s house, with their kids, three hours away. It destroyed him.
I remember seeing posts on his Facebook where he said “I just want my wife back” and I sympathized with him. This was way before I had any romantic interest in him. I just knew that Blue Eyes brother was in a lot of pain, and I hoped that he and his ex-wife could work things out. I recall talking to him online briefly about it, and telling him how sorry I was.
He drank a lot after she left. He went to a lot of bars with friends. He tried to numb the pain. He logged into some online account that was hers (my yearbook, I think) and read where she told all of these men how horrible he was in bed, how boring he was, how much of a piece of shit he was. It destroyed him. She made herself out to be the victim, meanwhile the man she was sleeping with while married to my husband, left her ass high and dry. The grass ain’t always greener, folks.
My husband and I have been together four and a half years, and married for sixteen months. We’ve known each other for nineteen years. There are still times that the demise of his marriage affects him. He doesn’t think I can see it, but I can. I can see the pain in his eyes. Sometimes he will just want to talk about what she said and did to him – I guess so that I can give him confirmation that he isn’t horrible in bed, that he isn’t some asshole guy. Fact is, he really is fantastic in every department.
He was married to a woman that worked twenty hours a week, sat on her ass and played video games all day. She never wanted to go on vacations, she never wanted to go out of town, she never wanted to do anything except play Call of Duty or what the hell ever. She didn’t cook, she didn’t clean. My husband worked 50-60 hours a week so that she didn’t have to work full-time. He got up with the kids when they were baby’s and fed them. I will never understand why she left him. He tells me all of the time that it hurt when she did it, but he is glad that she did, because now he see’s what a real marriage is supposed to be like.
So, these videos are hard to watch, but I guess they are therapeutic in a way for my husband. I think it helps him realize that this hasn’t only happened to him – that there are a multitude of women responsible for the demise of relationships.
He came home early from work on Tuesday, I guess because he was in the area and took an early lunch, but when he walked in the house, I was sitting in the chair, in the living room painting my nails and watching Riverdale. But as soon as he came in through the kitchen, I could see that he was looking for me. And I could see in his eyes that “look” … you know the one that someone has when they’ve been cheated on before? The unease of not knowing what the hell you’re going to find when you walk in. That’s how I know that he still has some kind of weird PTSD. Like he walks in and wonders if all of my shit will be gone, or if I will be locked in the bedroom with some man. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t trust me – I think he was just hurt so bad, he almost dreads surprising me by coming home and not knowing what he’s going to walk into. But he has nothing to worry about. He never will. Not when it comes to me.